Every so often I get a wave of discomfort that causes me to dead stop the things that are personally difficult – writing online, singing on a stage, athletic competitions, to name a few.
My inner dialogue goes something like these lines from the show Insecure:
And yeah, I’m still afraid that if I show everyone my real self, the wrong people will make fun of me.”
“But it’s the only way for the right people to see me.”
Almost everything scares me, and I also say yes to trying most things. So if you do the math, I “do something that scares me” a lot.
I have practiced this “take a risk” mentality my whole life.
Its guided me to scary-turned-favorite moments. Starting a business. Taking my 20-something broke self to Europe, Greece, Hong Kong, Caribbean islands. Despite a major fear of heights – hiking steep trails, and learning to ski. Saying yes to athletic competitions when I want to say no. Joining a band, even though I almost pooped myself at the first audition.
But I can’t take all the credit for doing hard things. Like the cheerleader that it is, the universe has impeccable timing. It throws out words of encouragement when fear sets in.
If you listen, there are messages everywhere to encourage you if fear ever gets in your way. For now, you can borrow some that I’ve found via old notes, or in everyday books, shows and podcasts.
Paris Hilton’s lessons learned
Know your worth, girls. You’re not lucky to be at the party; the party is lucky to have you. Apply as needed to relationships, jobs, and family.
A Brene Brown quote I had written in an old journal.
“To let ourselves be seen, deeply seen, vulnerably seen…Can I believe in this this passionately? Can I be this fierce about this?” just to be able to stop and, instead of catastrophizing what might happen, to say, “I’m just so grateful, because to feel this vulnerable means I’m alive.”
Saying yes to “scary” things is hard at first, but without them there is lost potential for personal and shared joy.
It ties right into a great reminder from a highly recommended “self-improvement” book.
Atomic Habits by James Clear.
Life rewards courage.
The reward always comes after the behavior, so keep your eyes on the prize.
These words to Paxton Hall-Yoshida on Netflix’s Never Have I Ever
But, Paxton, the only opinion of you that truly matters is yourself. So make yourself proud. Okay?
The online space can so easily make us forget about our own opinion of ourselves and to drop who we are to appease others.
Eminem’s lyrics analyzed on the Chasing Excellence podcast.
“Eminem’s Lose Yourself” came on…when you listen to it what he’s saying is “I used to get so caught up in the outcome of being on stage. I used to think ‘what are they gonna think of me?’ I would get tongue-tied and I would freeze and I would not be able to do anything. I would throw up in mom’s spaghetti. And then he’s saying ‘lose yourself in the moment. Lose yourself in the music, in the moment.’ I think what he’s realizing, like as a performer, it’s a flow state. When you are not constantly wrapped up in what does [someone] think of me, am I gonna win, what are the results. You’re just doing it for the virtue of doing it the right way, and allowing your best to flow out of you.”
Taylor Swift’s documentary
But when you’re living for the approval of strangers and that is where you derive all of your joy and fulfillment, one bad thing can cause everything to crumble. It was all fueled by not feeling like I belonged there. I’m only here because I work hard and I’m nice to people. Where I was like, “I’m gonna prove myself.”
Miss Americana
This quote I read in a fellow teacher’s classroom
Writing means sharing. It’s part of the human condition to want to share things – thoughts, ideas, opinions.
Paulo Coelho
Sometimes I think, why share at all? Why not just keep the words within the confines of my faux leather journal?
Why did writers like Thoreau and Emerson, who preached on the importance of alone time, share their thoughts with people?
Further, if Thoreau and Emerson had had social media platforms to share on, would they have? And if they did, would it stop them in their tracks periodically like it does to me?
People share to help others.
Which brings me to the most recent message from the universe, coming hours before the uncomfortable position I put myself into of singing in a theatre-type production for the first time.
From the documentary Stutz
“You can’t move forward without being vulnerable. And the reason is everybody needs help in moving forward. And failure, weakness, vulnerability is like a…connector, it connects you to the rest of the world.”
Finally, if all of that doesn’t work, picture yourself as this character from Insecure to remind yourself to stop worrying and just put yourself out there:
-…You know, it was like brave me. It was no fucks me.”