I didn’t always think that being married to an entrepreneur was an “allowable” grievance. How could I have a problem being married to an entrepreneur if I was sort of one myself? There’s so much to love about it. We are striving towards the “American dream.” We’re helping the community keep fit which is very fulfilling. I get to support my spouse’s dreams. It felt wrong to ever voice anything but support.
But one day my friend Leighanne and I got to talking. We both said it aloud – being the significant other to an entrepreneur is tough! Naturally, we formed a sort of “entrepreneur’s wife support group.” Me, a “seasoned” entrepreneur’s wife of 8+ years, and she, engaged to an entrepreneur of a year and counting, we found ourselves in the same conundrum – how can we be both happy and stressed?
Welcome Leighanne! She is writing with me as we both work towards maintaining balance. Here is how we’re attempting to successfully rock out being married to an entrepreneur.
Ten Ways to Survive Being Married to an Entrepreneur
#1
My goal-setter brain tends to dish out a lot of “shoulds.”
First, there’s the pressure to be super mom. “I should be as disciplined as my spouse.” “I should get up at 5am for some me time.” “I should work out everyday no matter what.” “I should have the coffee maker ready every morning.” “I should make my toddlers fall asleep by themselves.” “I should have the house looking like WWII didn’t just occur when my spouse gets home.”
In addition, being married to an entrepreneur means pressure to be super supporter. “I should never admit that my role feels near impossible some days.” “I should always be happy that we have achieved what we set out to do.” “I should be grateful every day.” “I should not take the time to pursue my own passions.” “I should ignore my fear of social media and engage in our business’s social media pages.”
Wow, that amount of “shoulds” is exhausting! So, I removed that word from my vocabulary. In doing so, I am allowing my heart to guide my own actions.
#2
I couldn’t get through without friends who can relate. Talking to others married to entrepreneurs helps take away some of the shame we may feel. Leighanne and I find commonality in the way we are working to balance being the sidekick of badass individuals but also being badass ourselves.
Being around others married to entrepreneurs eases my mind to know that my feelings are validated and I’m not crazy. Not to mention, there are support groups just for entrepreneurs’ spouses.
Leighanne
Leighanne’s right. I also couldn’t believe how many articles there are on this very topic.
#3 Communicate Love and Appreciation
Being married to an entrepreneur is exciting and motivating, but it takes patience, understanding, unconditional love and trust to keep each other grounded. One thing I have learned is not to question your partner, but to ask questions instead.
Leighanne
Though it can be tough some days, telling our spouses we appreciate their hard work is the key to having that appreciation reciprocated.
#4 Let Their Actions Inspire You to Pursue Your Passions Too
My soon to be wife is one of the most inspirational and motivating people I have ever met. She executes all the tasks she sets out to do and I’m in awe of that. She makes me a better person. I hope I do the same for her.
Leighanne
I read once that successful people put in at least 1000 hours of researching and reading about their area of passion. Since we own a gym, I used to feel guilty not reading about CrossFit and athletics in my spare time.
I would say that doing CrossFit is one of my passions. In addition, working towards our gym’s mission to improve the fitness of the community is in alignment with my values as well. I know Leighanne feels the same about her fiancée’s nutrition business. But I will never be on the same level. The business wouldn’t be what it is without his natural-born passion, leadership skills, and athletic ability. We have different strengths and passions we are born to use.
Like Leighanne, being married to an entrepreneur inspires me too! Though pursuing my own passions doesn’t make our day to day life easier, it keeps resentment at bay and allows for both of us to work towards fulfillment.
#5
There are so many ways to relieve stress. Unfortunately, the unhealthy ones seem to demand our attention – whether its mindless social media scrolling, drinking, or stress eating. The pandemic brought to life chatter of mom and wine culture. It definitely sucked me in. This SNL skit brings humor to it, and I do too sometimes. But when wine became an escape, I changed my habits. Wine is enjoyed with others. For stress relief though I turn to texting friends, calming teas, working out, dancing, or running.
#6 Use Therapists (FYI – It Doesn’t Mean You’re Crazy)
Therapy has been my go-to for years. It brings a different perspective and allows me to have my voice be validated and also deconstructed. When my thoughts are deconstructed I can breath a sigh of relief and I can connect back to my grounded self.
Leighanne
Being married to an entrepreneur can mean long days for both partners. Therapy can be a good way to work on productive communication or just serve as someone to talk to with a fresh perspective.
When things get dicey between my spouse and I it is normally due to poor communication. Not only do I work to improve on how I communicate love and appreciation, but also in how I ask for love and appreciation.
#7 Encourage Your Spouse to Utilize Therapy Specially Designed For Entrepreneurs
Being married to an entrepreneur is challenging, but so is being an entrepreneur! Leighanne and I know that for any ounce of frustration or guilt that we’re dealing with, our entrepreneur spouse is dealing with their own form as well. Just as we can’t expect them to solve all of our problems, we can’t expect to solve theirs either.
There are actual therapists that specialize in helping entrepreneurs tackle everything that comes with it.
#8 Be Proud of What You Do Around the House
Being the supporter of an entrepreneur means you have to pick up a lot of the pieces. You have to be flexible at a moment’s notice. You are behind the scenes allowing your entrepreneur to work their magic.
They’ll be too occupied to give you the praise. Yes, they “should” show you appreciation, and they “should” notice. But I’ve realized, thats on them. That’s what their therapist is for! My kids don’t praise me for what I do. My students don’t praise me for the work I do. I’m working towards contentment in giving myself that praise.
Every night before I go to bed I try and give myself praise for what I accomplished that day.
Leighanne
#9 Accept that When You’re Married to an Entrepreneur the Business Will Be the Center of Attention for A While
I have come to the hard realization that I am no longer the sole center of attention…and damnit, I’m a Leo!
Leighanne
Anyone with children knows that the children come first. Throw in having a business and its like having one more “child” to put ahead of your relationship.
Leighanne and I are similar in that we both have careers. Our spouses both have careers outside of the businesses. We both have small children. We have local family (our gym “family” as well as our blood-related family) which means parties upon parties. To say there is a constant pile up of things to do ahead of ourselves and our relationship is an understatement.
#10 Acceptance of that, and all stated beforehand, is key.
I accept, and love that I am an integral part of improving so many others’ lives. Leighanne and I are the sidekicks to badass, altruistic, super-humans, and with that comes challenges. Time and time again I think we’d both say the same thing – challenge accepted.