Finding the Social Media that Brings me Joy
I was pretty content with a simple no social media presence for a portion of my life. Then, we grew a business, and we had kids. When it comes to the business, we actually do very well with word of mouth advertisement. But I can’t fight the fact that a business really shouldn’t ignore the enormous virtual world. With kids, I don’t feel that I owe anyone anything. We see a lot of our family, immediate and extended, pretty often. However, I struggle with not sharing their beautiful moments with others. I know, in some sense, I do want to be a part of the virtual world. I just wanted to be careful to create a good relationship with social media.
How to Create a Positive Relationship with Social Media
The realization I had was that my use of social media has to be in alignment with my values. I knew that some social media platforms could be the most efficient and greatest way to keep in alignment with them. However, somewhere between running a business, teaching, and being a wife and mother, I had completely lost sight of what my values actually were. How could I be my best self in the “real world,” let alone the virtual one, if I hadn’t even honestly identified those?
Once I actually sat down and thought about it, my values just sort of came to me. Identifying values can be a little daunting. You can follow a sort of system for identifying them, like this one from my favorite podcast, The Minimalists Podcast.
Here are those things:
Honesty
I had done my share of lying in my early dating years. I had also done more than my share of people-pleasing in which I lied to myself about wanting to do certain things for others. One day I decided that I wouldn’t lie anymore and my “real life” has been wonderfully simple in that aspect since. The awakening of social media is when things got dicey. When I was “all in” on Instagram, many times I felt out of alignment simply by posting photos and captions of me appearing to “have it altogether” when in fact that couldn’t be further than the truth.
Love without Agenda…Like a Child
I remember the time when I started saying the words I love you to family and friends. It wasn’t really something we did growing up. One day it just happened and it clicked. I attempt to show love not just in words, but in actions as well. And I try and show it like a child – without agenda and without thought. This is one that made me really think about social media. I was caught in a web of sharing love for selfish reasons. “A like for a like” in a sense. Identifying that flaw helped me make decisions on how to spend my time. I would choose social media platforms, as well as real life activities, where I wouldn’t be tempted to live like this.
Spreading Kindness
This is of course something that we love about social media. We’re made aware of “GoFundMe” pages. It allows us to give shout-outs. We often see “You’re beautiful!” “Keep up the good work!” But for me, this kindness spreading on social media just adds to the addictive nature it has. I plan to aggressively spread kindness in the old-school way. There are so many “real life” alternatives to spreading kindness. My goal is to fulfill my kindness quota with text messages, letters, homemade cards, gifts, phone calls, and face-to-face time (pandemic-allowing of course).
Sharing my Gifts
This has always been hard for me. Instinctively, demonstrating what I’m good at always felt like bragging. Maybe it’s because I’m a middle child, but being modest has always been much more comfortable. For example, my first few years of CrossFit I did less than I could. Other strengths lay hidden too. I didn’t sing in front of others. No one really knows I’m a visual artist. I don’t even display myself in make-up. I decided one of my values is to display my uniqueness, creativity, sense of humor, and wisdom. But posting these things online made the focus so much about what “people will think.” My focus now is to share without searching for that approval. I want to be free to share in the virtual world too, but without the negative repercussions of validating my talents with “likes.”
Putting Myself First
Doing what I need to do for me is – SHOCKER – difficult. But it can be done – putting myself in front of my husband, my kids, my family, my friends, even though it is hard. This was an easy one to apply to social media. Even though it feels wrong to post content but not “follow” people on a newsfeed, it might be the formula I needed. It feels like the right way to create a good relationship with social media for me and it was time to let me guide my own way.
Letting Others Help
To keep in alignment with supporting the family business, it does need to have a virtual presence. In addition, if I want to truly share this blog it needs an online presence. This work can be me, or since I don’t enjoy being on certain platforms, it can be letting others help by hiring them to do it. In addition, I can allow myself to not feel bad when I leave my children for an afternoon. I can ask others for help and trust that they want to help. I can look to find value online if it allows me to share and collaborate with others (blogging, texting, etc.).
Once I had the values down, identifying how they fit into the virtual world was easy.