Dictionary.com defines JOMO as: the pleasure of taking a break from social activity – especially social media – to enjoy personal time.
The Joy of Missing Out Doesn’t Come Naturally
Relishing in the joy of missing out has probably always been a choice. Online, offline, it seems much more automatic to fear missing out. FOMO is nothing new, but just exasperated online. Purposely enjoying that we are missing out on something feels unnatural.
As a kid I recall the competing feelings of excitement for family trips and fear of what I’d be missing back home. With no social media newsfeed to keep me updated by the minute I only had my imagination. And I only found out what I’d missed out on upon dialing up my friends to see. I worried about missing out then, but I didn’t have to see the evidence of what I was missing out on, while on vacation.
Now we see in an instant what we are missing. We can be on the beaches of Greece and upon opening the newsfeed see that we are missing out on a summer concert. If we’re not careful, our enjoyment of our own vacation can turn sour.
Relishing in the Joy of Missing Out on Social Media Allows Us to Create Lasting Memories
One of my most unbelievably, life-altering trips was a 6-week tour around Europe. I consider myself lucky that this experience occurred when it did. Both digital cameras and social media didn’t explode into popularity until literally 4 months upon my return. I just missed it.
How many moments would’ve been lost in my quest to “show off” to the world? What if my focus on posing with the perfect chin-down-head-tilt-hand-on-hip stance we see across the newsfeeds had made me miss out on memories I still hold so near and dear?
Since I was free to take photos as I chose, and to move on, instead of stopping to post to social media, then stopping again to see the feedback I received, I was truly vacated from the outside world on that trip and all trips I took before it. Sadly, in these virtual days, its a moment-by-moment choice we have to make to truly vacate from the rest of the world.
Way back then it was still the age of the camera. I still ended up with hundreds of photos. I shared them with others, when they were interested. But few moments were stalled by my camera. Even better, zero moments were stolen by a need to post, or worse, check validation of my moments through said post. I have so many more lasting memories that wouldn’t have occurred due to distraction from my phone.
How I Now Relish in the Joy of Missing Out While on Vacation
With spring break coming up, there will no doubt be that plethora of beach photos and beach bodies and people loving life on location. If you follow newsfeeds and know these photos will bother you, consider this a friendly warning. For those on the other end – those actually going on trips – consider the friendly advice I now give myself.
Social Media is the New Photo Album
Of course there are some positives to sharing our photos with others. Not all of us are doing it simply to make others jealous. Posting our photos is the new photo album, and if someone doesn’t want to see them they can simply unfollow or ignore. Many of our friends and family like to see exciting and far-off adventures that we take that they can’t even imagine taking themselves. I, myself, enjoy heading to my parents, friends, siblings pages to see any adventures they’ve been on. Of course that is the silver lining.
Will I take photos on my future trips? Yes. Will I post them? Maybe. But before I risk reaping the benefits of a vacation I’m going to keep myself in line with a few guidelines. Before I pick up the phone. Before I post.
I’ve been over-taking photos my whole life. But it was only when social media became an everyday thing did I see it become a problem. At least “back then” there was a limit to how many photos I could take. With a finite amount of camera film no longer a thing we have the ability to take endless photos. Worse, though, is that we have the ability to check the photo instantly. Worse yet, is the compulsion to re-take and re-take until these photos are to our liking.
I will always take photos. Sometimes I’ll take a lot. But more often than not now, I make the decision to take less. I’ll always strive for one or two “good photos” to print or use in some intentional way. But I stopped feeling like a moment was meaningless if I failed to capture it in a photo. I stopped trying to capture a perfect shot of every moment. I changed back to my 90s focus of taking the photo for the memory and not for the one that will gain the most virtual attention.
Photos that highlight a fabulous life do better on the newsfeed. Better yet, they provide this cryptic satisfaction because we are demonstrating for others a fabulous part of ourselves and our lives. It is sadly addictive to create fear of missing out. If we follow social media newsfeeds we have no choice but to see all the vacation highlights. How can we not feel like we need to engage in the same creation of FOMO in order to show others that we too have an exciting and fulfilling life?
There is no way to relish in the joy of missing out if we are engaging in this dance. Has it become more important to display that we’re having a good time in some far off place, than to actually be having a good time? Is the definition of a successful trip how many likes we got, or how many people saw that we’re doing something fabulous? If people don’t see how wonderful, cultured, and lucky we are, was the vacation a failure?
In order to tame this myself, I keep this thought in the back of my mind: am I sharing just to share, or am I sharing for fear of not showing off? If I’m working to present myself while on vacation, am I truly on vacation?
Looking At My Phone More Than The Scenery
We’ve made it our job to engage with others virtually. We’ve equated being a good friend with liking and commenting. Once we’ve posted our photos our job doesn’t end there. We need to get back on periodically to check the status of how our post is doing and engage with those who’ve seen them.
Again, in the words of Eddie Murphy, “I’m not doing none of that.” At least not while I’m on vacation.
It’s all well and good to share our experiences – as long as doing so won’t prevent me from doing the very thing I set out to do – relax. In order to truly engage in jomo I need to be doing something different. How sad to simply end up doing the same thing we always do but in a different location?
If we are sipping wine in Napa with our eyes on our newsfeed, are we truly there? Are we on vacation? Or are we just back home in the normal, stressed out headspace? In the overstressed world we live in, and with the even stronger need and want to vacate from the world as it is today, we just owe ourselves that break.
Relishing in the Joy of Missing Out While on Vacation Will Be a Work In Progress
In writing about it all I hope to hold my own self accountable to engaging in the joy of missing out. With the pandemic making life as stressful as it is, looking forward to a vacation is somedays what keeps me sane. I just want to do it right.
I can choose to keep tabs on friends, acquaintances, strangers, on a daily basis or I can purposely give myself a break. More importantly, I can give myself and those I’m with the undivided attention they deserve.