Is it always social media vs. reality? Can it ever be both? I recall at a young age, when Seventeen and YM were my sources for advice, thinking cynically about the magazines’ contents. Even before photoshop was a household tool I knew that these weren’t real women. The images produced unattainable standards for us young people in search of an identity.
A Virtual Presence Mimics Stardom
Being “online” is essentially “being famous” – at least in your own little-big social media community. What I dislike about “stardom” is that it seems to require work to uphold an image. Once “famous” you no longer have the freedom to be imperfect. If you are, your audience’s attention goes right over to the next big (or more seemingly perfect) thing.
In the battle of social media vs. reality, how could reality ever win? If you want the likes and the shares and the followers, you have no choice but to show your most perfect self. And with all the availability of online tools how could we not be tempted to show that self? When people, “our fans” reinforce that more perfect self why would we ever want to show our true self again?
The Addiction of Online Attention
I’ve been lured into the dance of the virtual spotlight before. Instagram seemed the worst at drawing me into this fantasy land. First of all, so many of the posts seem to follow the same “formula.” It seems we are driven to post the latest trend. We are guided by what draws the most attention. Once I received that attention, it so magically mimicked true joy that I didn’t even realize it was just vanity.
When we showcase an altered reality, social media reinforces it by way of engagement. That attention makes the truth matter less, and what gains the most attention matter more. When it’s social media vs. reality, reality loses time and time again. The more success we have with our altered self, the more addicted we become to showing it.
Virtual Irony: Why We Need to Stop Feeling Bad When We See the Reel of Attractive Posts
I found the posting of skewed reality so interesting that for fun I coined a new term for it: Virtual Irony. There are a lot of types of Irony. Most may only think of it as Alanis Morisstte’s “meeting the man of my dreams and then meeting his beautiful wife.” But as a high school educator I’m familiar with a couple other types.
Dramatic Irony, for instance, is when the audience knows something that a character does not, say in a book or movie. This sticks out to me when I think of the virtual world. But not because it is what I observe. I observe almost the complete opposite. Since it didn’t have a name, I gave it one.
I think Virtual Irony is a great way to define when a character (a.k.a. our social media persona) knows something that the audience does not. Our social media persona knows the truth but shares something different. I’d simplify it by calling what we sometimes post of and about ourselves just a big, fat lie, but its much more creative than that. We may not even know when we are doing it.
Some Examples
The stressed out parent who posts all the great moments with the kids. The audience chimes in with “you’re a great mom” but she knows she’s stressed out of her mind and ignored the kids to take the photos.
The broken relationship that posts for anniversaries and family photos. The “character” knows something the “audience” does not – they are a counseling session away from splitting.
Posting about a personal or divisive topic with a secret agenda. The audience thinks you’re sharing just for the sake of sharing but the persona knows they are sending a message to a specific individual.
Posting heavily filtered photos to mask insecurities, creating an audience that may be even be envious of their looks and confidence.
Posting photos when we are having a lousy time. We care less about changing our circumstances and more about making sure our audience thinks we are having fun.
Too Harsh?
I think ultimately it’s about coming to peace with your relationship online. If you find yourself projecting someone else and are okay with it that’s great. If you find yourself feeling bad because you notice the façade then its time to alter it.
For me, being “all in” online gave me that “famous person” complex I didn’t want. It distracted me from living in the moment. It also halted my growth because I focused solely on the growth of my feed instead of myself as a person.
So experimenting with social media helped me shift how and what I present. I gave up worrying about showcasing every moment my children and I have online. I added sharing my thoughts about social media in words. The virtual world is still my stage in a sense, so I accept that I may never truly be able to be my most authentic self in front of it. But as long as I’m working towards it, I am content with that.
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