I showed my 6-year old a video of himself dancing that was shared from his dance studio on Facebook. His immediate response wasn’t “how many likes did I get?” He didn’t even care much to see himself in the video. Upon seeing the glimpse of himself he immediately went to setting up the Bluetooth speaker so we could have a dance party.
Why is it So Hard to Give Up?
I think the fact that bragging on social media is pretty much the norm is one reason it makes the habit so hard to kick. Its difficult to see the reel of everyone’s best self and accomplishments and not share our own. It wasn’t easy for me at first.
First, I had to break from being a novice social media advertiser. The job meant impressing others with our awesome box and athletic family and inspiring others to keep working towards their goals. In my quest to inspire others I lost sight of inspiring myself. Just as I was about to feel guilty about quitting, I realized that the gym already had an inspirer – my husband. I could stay in my lane while he does what comes natural to him – the educating and motivating of others.
Finally, there was the addiction of online attention to rid myself of. I had to get these subconscious thoughts out of my mind: What’s the point of going somewhere great if people don’t reinforce how awesome and adventurous my life is? Am I really as beautiful, athletic, and achieved if friends and strangers online don’t tell me so? How could I be happy if others don’t know how awesome I am?
Simple. I know how awesome I am.
Overall, the main reason that required change was when I realized how mistaken my priorities had become. Left getting the short end of the stick were my sons, real life friends, husband, and even myself. So I made some changes to who I was working to impress.
1. Instead of Impressing the Online World, Impressing My Children
When we post the family photo with the caption, “my life, my everything,” do we also look our kids in the eye and speak those words aloud to them? When we post about our kids miniscule or grand achievements, do we also congratulate them in person? Or have we become so focused on the virtual stage that we forget its necessary to do both?
Seeing my smiling face and engaging in their silly games makes or breaks moments with my kids. Posting photos of the cool things they were doing was doing nothing but take me away from that in-the-moment parenting they need so much. The posting of these photos had zero positive affect on them personally – as they don’t check social media newsfeeds, (thank goodness!). So, though I will always share photos of them in one way or another (as sharing is caring), it will never be at the cost of this vital in-the-moment time.
Now it’s not realistic to be 100% focused on them. I also work from home like many of us, have my own hobbies, and need space from them to keep sane. At the end of the day, it’s much more important to me that I show my kids that we do things for ourselves – not to show off to the virtual world, and that there is more to life than what’s on a screen.
2. Instead of Impressing the Online World, Impressing Friends in Real Life
It seems common now that we celebrate people we love – online. Its a positive thing about social media right? Or is it? How great did you feel after you read how many people Facebook said acknowledged your birthday? How many times did you only say “Happy Birthday” or “Happy Anniversary” online? Finally, how many times did you say words to someone online that aren’t entirely true?
Why have we grown more comfortable telling our loved ones, that we love them, online? Why do we now say the meaningful things in front of a virtual audience instead of to their face? Are we too lazy, overworked, busy, to look each other in the eyes anymore? Do we just like posting that much?
3. Instead of Impressing the Online World, Impressing my Significant Other
Words that I typed out online, in front of some people I don’t even know personally, are words that come out as completely sarcastic when I say them aloud to my husband. “Happy Anniversary to my better half!” “I am a better person because you are in my life.” These things are true, but they are not true to our relationship.
Further, if my spouse didn’t follow suit with a “Happy Birthday, you are special because…” post I questioned his love for me. Now I follow him. He has never felt the need to impress online. I stopped feeling like I needed to “brag” that I am in a solid, day-by-day commitment. Keeping our relationship between just the two of us somehow feels all the more special.
4. Instead of Impressing Others Online, Impressing Ourselves
Some may feel in perfect alignment with boasting online. My research has only gone as far as myself so I don’t know yet where everyone is coming from. As someone who feels uncomfortable with even humblebrags, I know that impressing myself has to be mainly offline.
To focus on impressing myself instead of the online world means loving myself without approval. It’s doing the things I love for me and no one else. It’s being confident that I am a great parent, athlete, and friend, and stopping short of bragging about it online, just to be sure.
In quitting the online persona – hardworking, athletic, near-perfect mom – only now do I feel remotely close to being that person. Though I work out, write, and am a parent, those things don’t define me. Online made me feel pressure to have a definition. I impress myself now by working to be in the moment, because when I am, it doesn’t matter what I am or what others feel about it.
A Guide for My New Focus
For me, giving up the bragging on social media meant an end to the crafting of perfect photos. Will I still share photos with family and friends? Sure. But to prevent myself from halting wonderful moments with my husband, kids, family, even myself, I now use these questions as a guide:
Will stopping my kids for this photo op make them feel good?
Does posting this set me back today because I have to stop and look at how many people liked it?
Who is this photo serving? Who will it impress?
Is sharing this photo, writing, or comment within my personal values?
Finally, to focus on impressing those I love instead of impressing the online world, is to ask myself: do I want a happy existence, or do I want the appearance of one? The choice is mine.