Last Monday I found myself paralyzed at the sight of an endless pile of papers. The height of this pile, along with just the thought of my “things to do list” led to such an unproductive day, that I felt unworthy of any sort of self-praise for a job well done.
I felt I was on the brink of my “line in the sand.” This would be the moment something had to change.
I asked the universe for help, and it delivered.
One easy strategy popped into my life, raising me out of the quicksand of self-loathing.
I learned that self-praise is actually where I needed to start.
Self-Praise With The High Five Habit By Mel Robbins
“The Minimalists” had guest Mel Robbins on their podcast on this very Monday. She talked about her new book called “The High Five Habit.”
Robbins message is that humans benefit greatly by being cheered on, but most importantly, when cheered on by ourselves. The need for self-love and self-appreciation trumps the need for it from others.
She says to do this by high-fiving ourselves. I got the gist of it from her interview with The Minimalists:
What does the high five communicate? Joy, celebration, encouragement, motivation, inspiration, acceptance.” You’ve never high fived someone and felt I hate you, you suck. I hope you lose.
Robbins
High fiving oneself is her researched and recommended strategy for using self-praise to improve our own life’s circumstances.
So I tried it. After every task, big or small, I walked myself over to a mirror and gave myself a high five.
Here’s what the habit has done for me so far.
1. Bye Bye Procrastination, Hello Productivity
I was today years old when I learned that a “things to do list” alone doesn’t improve my productivity.
When I actually took the time to write the “things to do” I did one of two things, lost the list, or stood staring at it.
Self-praise for the accomplishment of every task, big or small, was the very important piece I needed to go along with my “things to do list.”
In physically walking myself to the mirror and rewarding myself with a high five after every completed task I saw how powerful being my own cheerleader could actually be.
2. Replaced Self-Criticism with Self-Appreciation
My mind naturally used a lot of “I can’t” statements when I simply begin thinking about things I needed to tackle in my day.
As a natural worrier, when I let my mind roam free it went to negatives. So when it comes to thinking about my day, I naturally focus on what I haven’t accomplished, what I didn’t get to, and what I need to add to the list.
Even when starting the high fives I found myself still having self-defeating thoughts.
For example, when I went to praise myself for the task of “got the kids to school” my mind automatically went to how it took bossing the boys around like a drill sergeant to get them there. I was automatically reflecting on what made me feel bad about the task instead of good.
It further solidified for me why this practice was so important. I’m able to observe what thoughts may be secretly adding to my stress.
So I shushed these thoughts, and after giving myself the self-praise it deserved, I felt nothing short of awesome throughout the day.
3. Motivates Me to do More and More
Our gym knows the importance of cheering each other on – we named the place High Five Fitness after all! (Story on why below 😉
We like having cheerleaders in our lives. We praise others for their accomplishments. It had never dawned on me to do this act of self-praise for myself.
4. Gives Me an Out from Needing Attention on Social Media
The human need for cheer, appreciation, validation is a major reason many social media platforms are so popular.
Being the social media skeptic I am I really wanted to copy this format but leave social media followers out of it.
If its true that self-praise is most important, then praise that comes from acquaintances online is definitely not worth my time and energy.
Further, I thought about what actually gives us that “good feeling” and Robbins’s confirmed that its the act not really who its from.
So when you actually have done a high five, or received one, you have gotten a boost of dopamine. Your nervous system gets the energy of celebration jolted through it. Physiologically you change. Its why it feels so good. And so your brain doesn’t know the difference between high fiving somebody else and high fiving yourself.
Robbins, The Minimalists Podcast Interview
So that’s that. I could do that for myself.
4. Allows Myself to be More Present
I go back to the message from my husband about high fives at the gym. It doesn’t matter how much you did, or how great of a job you did, it’s that you did something.
I often felt that I should never stop working on that list. When I got home from work I felt I should take it out. That I should always be maximizing my time for the sake of reducing the things I needed to get done.
But what is more important than being present with those I love?
In spending the morning praising myself for what I did, a sense of accomplishment follows me home, allowing me to just be, which has always been my ultimate goal.
Overall, as I went along, I felt the habit of self-love making me feel all warm and fuzzy inside, and that’s a feeling worth pursuing!